Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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