Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
