So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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