im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Randomize
