I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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