the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
