the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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