based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just forgot I was standing up.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
