I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
