You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
