Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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