she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
