I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
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