I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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