the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
