he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
