I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
