i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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