if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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