a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
