shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
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I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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