Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
