How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
