the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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