Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
