u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
