WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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