My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
