Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
