I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
