my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
