just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
