i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
