i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So much Jack, so little girl.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
