I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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