There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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