he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
