If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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