dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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