I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
