Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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