Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
