my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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