do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
