Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
