I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
