i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
