please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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