you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
