So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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