It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
