saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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