did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
