Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Randomize
