my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Too much gin, very little bucket
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
