I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
