Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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