I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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