god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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