I wish you could order shots online.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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