Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
try to milk me bitch
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