At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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