If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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