She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
