my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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