1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
