so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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