census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
