I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
