The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
