I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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